part one - spring 2019
part one - the story told here, exploring the spring 2019 collection
part two - an amalgamation of the spring 2019 and summer 2019 collections, shown on the 17th of September 2018 at London Fashion Week
Silence fills the air, displacing the relief I had felt after he disappeared.
I’m often told that I’m a hard person to read. But I don’t think it’s that complicated. Kindness begets kindness, distain cultivates antipathy. Perhaps my resoluteness makes so-and-so pause or all the others downright uncomfortable. Especially when I find strength in moments of vulnerability. It’s not a gift, though, it’s been earned.
So I found it funny that he thought I was an enigma to crack and yet applied the same old codes of “manhood” and “womanhood” on us - and everyone else. What he didn’t account for, however, was that I didn’t need taking care of and I wasn’t going to nurture anyone’s ego. And that I really wasn’t going to be the one to break.
Where did the days go? Why am I playing the long game? To teach him a lesson? To teach myself a lesson?
I wanted to go away that weekend, my treat. Somewhere lush, enchanting and isolated. A forest, because yes, I can be that literal. “A splendid idea,” he said. “Who talks like that?” I wondered in my head, then smiled and nodded in his general direction. We packed up the car and drove away from the city, flitting between radio stations. As soon as we got out of range, The Sisters of Mercy accompanied us on the final leg of the journey. The trees began to multiply, a ready-made battalion of wisdom and my faithful confessors.
I think a lot about all the things I’m never going to be just given and carefully consider what exactly I’m going to take. It can be harrowing. A first look, any look, a fair opportunity, equal rights, a safe space, the proverbial ladder or simply freedom to be me. Am I not entitled to entitlement too? But I’m careful not to devour the morsels of arrogance, I’m the same as everyone else who finds themselves down and under, not over and out. It can only be empowering to help build up your own being, your surrounding environment and others like you.
As night fell over our house in the woods, I could just about make out the moon amongst the tree tops. Only the nonchalant breeze betrayed its glow, aided and abetted by the sagacious stars. Why is it that whenever I’m alone, I contemplate my place in the world? Why not in the centre of a heaving crowd? Seems a bit self-indulgent, maybe? I returned to inside the house, where he was reading by the single lamp that lit the room. I could tell he was already nodding off, ready to e transported to his own dream world, a place I never want to see.
In truth, he disappeared easily. On the floor is the book he last had. I pick it up and start to read.
I am fearless, I am free.
It’s all for me.